Pregnancy news can be the best ever for couples walking out the journey of infertility or pregnancy loss so this can be a sensitive topic for many. However, the reality is that unplanned pregnancy news can be devastating to couples who have their family established with two, three or even four children.
What happens to couples who simply are not prepared for such a radical change as a “new baby” coming on the scene? Couples can undergo an intense emotional time as they struggle with important decisions for their family’s future. I’m realizing more and more spouses can come from two different positions when processing through their family planning “surprise.”
Someone who is already a mommy can be torn between the children she already has that need a lot of attention from her and extreme guilt about not feeling welcoming to the one yet to arrive on the scene. There may also be a lot of pressure from family members, (including her husband), friends and medical advisors to end the pregnancy.
Couples caught up in the aftermath of abortion are often surprised at how much pain the solution has heaped upon them. Abortion is a symbolic end and the grieving process can bring such a sense of finality that it can spill over into the couples’ personal connection. Couples must find help navigating these unchartered waters or the damage can sometimes be unrepairable.
Working through the many layers of grief surrounding an abortion choice can be even more complicated when couples "already have a family" and are walking out the family stressors on a daily basis. Adding to the mix, the terrible angst of having ended a pregnancy, the impact on marriage for both parties can be incredible. Couples should not try to sort things out themselves. Each person will handle the grief in their own private way and they probably will hurt each other in the process because they will not "be there" because of their own individual angst. Should you as a professional experience this topic in your counseling room, know that there are many layers of grief to attend to and that this will take time to process through. This couple will definitely need your balanced expertise in their time of conflict. At the very best, this is a tough therapy scenario and you will need to be strong for each of them to help pull them out of the mire of guilt and confusion.